Cpl. You can depend on me. Quotes Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter : You will all stay away from that rocket. How I could have been so fooled by Klink. [pause] So what if you haven't told me who you're calling yet? Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13 Happy Birthday, Adolf The Gold Rush Hello, Zollie It Takes a Thief. Parody Displacement: Hogan's Heroes is a parody of WWII POW films like Stalag 17, The Great Escape, and The Bridge on the River Kwai. He'll do for them what he's done for you. Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: [savoring the irony] All this beauty! This news has me so excited. | Hogan stopped kneading the knot forming on his back and stared at Klink. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, I am. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Perfect! Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Hogan is kissing Tiger goodbye out on the compound]. Colonel Klink: If those orders are not carried out, both you and the courier will be court-martialed, shot and sent to the Russian front! You live better than Goering and you're twice as big! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [about Klink] Every year that man lives takes at least a century of the thousand year Reich! Col. Wilhelm Klink: Schultz, take him away. Andrew Carter: Yeah, and Klink's happy - nasty happy. Rate it: 0.0 / 0 votes 404 Views Translation Find a translation for this quote in other languages: Select another language: - Select - (Chinese - Simplified) (Chinese - Traditional) Espaol (Spanish) Esperanto (Esperanto) (Japanese) Col. Robert E. Hogan: Colonel Klink, you're an evil man. . Even if I say so myself, when I turn on the charm, I can be irresistible. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [trying to persuade Col. Klink to call General Burkhalter] Why don't you give him a call, sir it means so much to him. You saw me write down the message. Col. Wilhelm Klink: A-ha, those Staff Officers they are so clever. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Of course. Do you allow this sort of thing? Hochstetter had several catchphrases, including (referring to Hogan) "Who is this man?" and "What is this man doing here?", and "I will surround this camp with a ring of steel." He would also shout "Baah!" as he leaves the room, when frustrated by the camp's incompetent commanding officer, Colonel Klink. *What is this man doing here?*. Peter Newkirk: Andrew, the station master is a little old man. This was originally. : [Hogan's typical obfuscation has just saved Klink's reputation before a Gestapo investigator - who has exited]. HOCHSTETTER GETS THE DROP ON THE KILLER, IN MAJOR HOCHSTETTER, GESTAPO H ow's that for a provocative title? Colonel Crittendon: Good? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [as German general] Oh, I don't know. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [indignantly] That's to keep the tooth warm! Carter: Heck, I've seen groundhogs down there that were lost. Dr. Hermann Felzer: [Klink has been chosen to lead a top secret assignment] You have been chosen for an assignment that involves the highest security project in the Third Reich. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, General Burkhalter, what a pleasant surprise. Like coming home to mother's cottage. Col. Wilhelm Klink: That's another good one. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I assure you I shall give the Gestapo my complete cooperation, Major Hochstetter. Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Klink. Hans Georg Schultz: Well Colonel Hogan asked me if he could leave the camp tonight again to see the baroness. [Hogan decides to destroy the German ammo dump unsuccessfully attacked by Sergeant Orchard and his men]. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Physical fitness is one thing. Carter: Hello? Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [hangs up] We've got him. Didn't I tell you I could break this code. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Shultz, impersonating a Wermacht General, has run off a pair of Gestapo men attempting to search the flat of LeBeau's artist friend who will forge the replacement of the painting. : Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's The Crittendon Plan? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Why not? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You have no prisoners in there. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, how is dear wife the charming and delightful Fran General? Hochstetter, I am in charge of this project. Sgt. [energetically and enthusiastically gets up off his chair and shakes the captain's hand]. Cpl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Traitors, all of you. Andrew Carter: And a 'Good morning' to you, too, Schultz. He said 'Achtung' so I said 'Good morning' right back to him. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Are you crazy, Klink? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Well, it's in code. Cpl. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Major, this happens to be Tuesday. [Kisses Helga's hand]. Hogan: Oh, yeah. It's almost PAST time for Roll Call! And I am operating *under direct authority of the German General Staff*. This is no trick at all. My darling. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Outraged] Or, you could be Big Fat Schultz Who Goes Swift And Sure To The Russian Front! I sent her the kiss by mail? Newkirk: Jawohl, Herr General! [a German guard is fending off POW Newkirk from a restricted area]. Sgt. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Carter? You've made me homesick for Cleveland. Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [muttering] Oh yes, heil Hitler. That'll be great! Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, some of the gang back at the stalag. Peter Newkirk: [as Humphrey Bogart] Do you speak German? I've taken all the necessary precautions. [slams door shut]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I have been working on him, Herr General. Now you may leave anytime, and take your spy, Private Berger, with you! Please. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Just because we're enemies is no reason we can't be friends. Louis LeBeau: I wasn't sure what that one meant myself. Everybody out, out, out, out, out, out, out! : General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: [reading the plan] Amazing. Quiet you blithering idiot, I'm trying to think! Col. Wilhelm Klink: This time tell me the good news first. I'm warning you. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Why don't you call headquarters and let them send over an expert. Sgt. Sgt. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I'm glad, there was no time to consult you in advance. General der Infantrie Albert Burkhalter: Physical fitness is one thing. Tremendous psychological factor there, chaps. Yes, Major Hochstetter. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan. If he asks questions, do not act as if you know anything. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't they drink tea in France? I always thought it meant 'Good morning' or 'Greetings, Mate.' Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Honest with you? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Schultz tells about his evening] Don't just stand there, Schultz. We had guys escape to Pittsburgh? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And a dancing lesson. The Allies won't bomb a prisoner of war camp. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: That is where he was truly brilliant. [Klink enters the room]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: If you knew which wire it was, why did you ask me? It's some kind of instructions fro Nimrod. You know that guy, Hitler, who wrote it? : Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: The gestapo never arrests the wrong man. We haven't had a friendly chat for some time. : Cruel, sir, cruel. Major Hans Kuehn: Yes, uh, Field Marshal Karl Von Streicher of the General Staff. Please take your truck and its cargo some other place. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You may come and go as you please, Kommandant. Anyone within a hundred yards of this rocket will be shot und reshot. But I shall be waiting for him. Cpl. Born Howard Cohen in Nashville, Tennessee, he appeared in a Hal Roach Our Gang skit that was being filmed there, and took an interest in becoming an actor. Probably an oversight at headquarters. Writers can stir the mind, but they can't direct it. I'm sorry you missed it, Major, it was a great party. Col. Robert E. Hogan: And I suppose, uh, she put her arms around you? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, how is it that you get so much more pleasure out of seeing me than I do out of seeing you? General von Rauscher: She is my interpreter, Hochstetter. Sgt. Major Byron Buckles: If I'm going to die, at least let it be in a close-up. Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Ha. : Lurch let in cragnik.". Col. Wilhelm Klink: I did not mean you sir , you're not clever. Sgt. Take a bottle and do not hurry back. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Klink isn't too bright, you know. Hogan: You see, sir, today is one of our national holidays - repeal of prohibition. General von Rauscher, Col. Wilhelm Klink: My dear major, there is no danger of it firing- General von Rauscher: Firing? Col. Robert E. Hogan: They *shot* Holtz trying to escape- you're next! Marya: Poor Putzie. Louis LeBeau: Yes he does! [Sgt. Sgt. Schultz Mueller: This one looks stupid . Col. Robert E. Hogan: Mm-hmm, we think it'll, uh it'll go a lot easier for you, sir - you should be prepared. My dear Major, there is no danger of it firing Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter You'd make somebody a good wife. General von Rauscher: Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR SECURITY HERE. Gertrude Linkmeyer: I would like to get married again if the right man came along. | Back General von Rauscher: Who are you? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Are you sure you have the right man, Doctor? Colonel Klink: If the prisoners ask any questions about these explosions, you know nothing; you are ignorant. Traitors, all of you. Schultz: Me send for you? Ja, I believe I have. Hans Georg Schultz: You forgot pigs By the way who are we talking about? Andrew Carter: Oh, yeah. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, now that you mention it, so would I. Andrew Carter: I yell and scream at him, call him a few twelve-letter names, and if he still gives me an argument, I think of something else. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Louis LeBeau: All you're gonna get is my name, rank and serial number. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You heard the commandant, now back to your post. Which one would you cut, Shultz? "Colonel Klink, when I received your invitation, for a moment I had forgotten who you were. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What's there to behold? Sunday edition. What is this bungler doing here? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: This is the message? Hans Georg Schultz: Don't you know no one is allowed outside after roll call? What good is a rusty monocle? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan, do you realize what General Burkhalter would say if he saw a chimpanzee working in the garden? James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Could also mean heavy equipment. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're right, the situation is hopeless, there's no solution, we're faced with an absolute impossibility. He took me for 50 marks. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: But is Hogan ready to tell us about the Norden? Newkirk: Oh no, must be half past ten by now. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Now, Klink, last night, not too far from here, a convoy was blown up, almost totally destroyed. : : [spying on the equipment guarded closely by German soldiers]. Who calls it the "Klink Plan"? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Witness? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Of course not. Colonel Klink: In case I'm, uh, recommended for promotion - not that I'm asking you, sir - I'm sure that the board will take my extremely marvelous physical fitness into consideration. [Hogan pretends to have passed out from drinking]. Louis LeBeau: Under the Geneva Convention, I don't have to teach you to dance. General von Rauscher: She is my interpreter, Hochstetter. Andrew Carter: Well, I'm still willing to try, Colonel. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. General von Rauscher Col. Robert E. Hogan: [talking about the show for Klink] All right, now, the main thing is to keep them entertained till the job is done. Cpl. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [dismissive] He really knows how to hurt a guy. Oh, they're great goose-steppers, but nothing on the dance floor. That's why I came here in the first place! Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ahhh. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Fat? You've got to get that mixture just right. The weather is getting a little nippy. Well, it's obvious, Major. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Neither am I. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Schultz, close the gates! So handsome and so unlucky. Oh lovely tunnel I must say- pity it doesn't lead into a bank. [Hochstetter wakes Klink up in the middle of the night]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Some of the gang back in Berlin. Andrew Carter: Sure. Now, I know what you're thinking - I'm a writer; why don't I write it myself? Major Hochstetter a character not in the main cast was played by an American actor, as was French resistance leader Tiger. Uh, did you come on military business, or is this a social call? Go on, Hogan. Hans Georg Schultz: What do you think? Peter Newkirk: [looking at the burnt money in his hand] It's the story of my life. It's so good when he leaves. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Maybe the Major didn't mean it when he said 'heads will roll.' : I have given it many hours of intelligent thought. Major Hochstetter : [repeated line, whenever Col. Hogans shows up] What is this man doing here? Col. Wilhelm Klink: You cannot use it, and that's final. I'll call headquarters and have them send over a cryptologist. The moonlight- it's beautiful on the laundry or the bakery. Just because we're prisoners doesn't mean we can't have our own prisoners. A secret is sacred to me. Cpl. Filming & Production General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Have all security precautions been strictly observed? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: What do they want, Klink? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Hogan, I will not go down alone. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I'm really not in need of another officer. Andrew Carter: [Carter reading RSVP about Klink's party] Here's the Blue Baron's answer. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter And a 'Good day' to you, too, Schultz. Colonel Klink: I'm afraid I cannot accommodate you, Captain. General von Rauscher: Hochstetter, I am in charge of this project. Think of the things you two have been through together. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [does so] Sorry, general. Sgt. The ultimate weapon didn't quite work out. General der Infantrie Albert Burkhalter: What would you rather have fall upon you, responsibility, or snowflakes? Col. Robert E. Hogan: A birthday gift for you. It's a long trip to this camp, you know. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. : Col. Wilhelm Klink: [shouting] And more, I wanna tell you [Klink and Hochstetter shout into each other, so you can barely understand what they're shouting]. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. . I will be here every single day until I find these men. : You're not gonna get anything out of me. We can't keep a prisoner! General von Rauscher Louis LeBeau: I will personally hold them spellbound with my repertoire of songs, dances and snappy patters. General von Rauscher Col. Wilhelm Klink: I intend to nail the prosecutor's fat hide to the wall. Hans Georg Schultz: He called you a liar! Colonel Klink: The only orders that I am interested in are my own orders. Major Hochstetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? He knows what he's doing. You can't take it home, sir. Now, Klink, where do these lines cross? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Exactly what I was going to say, sir. It's in the neighborhood. Cpl. : Col. Wilhelm Klink: You're a little late, my friend. [Zagoskin hands him his notebook] Carter? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink!, I am a Staff Officer. Col. Robert E. Hogan: yeah, yeah ,yeah, yeah. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is this bungler doing here? Ahmmm. I accept it with the deepest of humility. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, then he is fat. : Wild horses and torture could not drag one syllable out of me. Hans Georg Schultz: It's going to snow again. I'm trying to save your *life*! [in an argument with a captain about safehousing a truck and cargo] Colonel Klink: I'm afraid I cannot accommodate you, Captain. This whole thing doesn't makes sense. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [annoyed] Now tell me: was it Tuesday or was it Wednesday? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Who's worried about firing? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Schultz, so you made a few stupid mistakes. Cpl. Sgt. Release Dates Sgt. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: They were going into town for a very good reason. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I wouldn't do that, sir. Kissing prisoners is verboten! Col. Robert E. Hogan: Hochstetter's not such a bad guy, sir. I meant green dress, of course. Quotes Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ah, Major Hochstetter, always a pleasure to see your smiling face. Col. Robert E. Hogan: It's the least you can do, considering. | Was it really Colonel Crittenden who was responsible for yesterday? Colonel Hauptmann is a very lucky man. | I'm a prisoner. Huh! It's not big enough to stand up in, and it is not big enough to lie down in. Of course. See also Lock us up? She is my interpreter, Hochstetter. Kinch: Didn't you hear what Schultz said? : Col. Wilhelm Klink: The highest authority? Starring Bob Crane as Colonel Robert Hogan, the show was set in a German prisoner of war (POW) camp for Western Allied prisoners during World War II . Sgt. Sgt. Major Hochstetter: Everybody under arrest! Hans Georg Schultz: Easy. Demolished the building, wiped out the garrison, killed Kommandant Hedrick, knocked the Fuhrer's picture off the wall and everything. I warned you not to listen to me unless I tell you to. Colonel Sitzer: We want you to keep it a secret until the presentation. You run such a perfect camp, Klink, you have no need for a cooler. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [telling Klink what a good catch Burkhalter's sister is to marry] Gertrude is just the kind of woman you need. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Through our local travelers aid man, Colonel Klink. I didn't mean to hang up on you before but you really do have the wrong number. Discover and share Hogans Heroes Colonel Klink Quotes. : That's fifty miles away through the heart of Germany. You don't even know how to spell the word. Cpl. He barely escaped the terrible raid! Sgt. Captain Karl Metzler: In return for *information*! You're not arranging right now for Zagoskin to escape to Russia? Louis LeBeau: What about me, Colonel? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Your lying! Sgt. What is going on there? Web. General von Rauscher General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, you meant the lady in the red dress, and she has been eating steadily for an hour and a half. I General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Shut mouth, Klink. Andrew Carter: We haven't got time Our what?

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